How the Bloody Hell?
by superjujubear
Summary: Just 2 years after the war, the divorce percentage in the Wizarding world becomes dangerously high. The reproduction rate is going down. In an effort to keep magic alive, the Ministry of Magic creates a new law that pairs wizards and witches with their true soulmates. Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Harry are paired with the last people you would EVER expect.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hellooo everyone! This is my first fan fiction :) This idea just sort of "walked into my head" one day. Its a little weird and crazy, I know, but I'm sure you've all seen worse, right? This is just a little 'taste'. If it gets and reviews, favorites, or follows I will definitely post longer chapters as soon as possible. Hope you like it! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All rights go to J.K Rowling and anyone else that has to do with the making of Harry Potter.**

An eerie silence fell over the house.

Suddenly the large and comfortable living room felt as though it had shrank to the size of a hot and stuffy broom cupboard.

The sofa Ginny, Ron, Harry, and Hermione were sharing suddenly felt too small.

Although Harry had been her friend for over 9 years, Hermione couldn't help but feel that Harry, whom she was sitting by, was just a little too close to her. She reached for Ron's arm and entirely squished her body up against his side, trying to get as far away from Harry as possible.

Ever so slightly, she turned her head to get a glimpse of Harry's reaction. He, too, had completely pressed Ginny into the arm of the couch. He was ogling into his lap, his face slightly pink. Hermione saw Ginny glaring at the magical radio, which was still announcing the pairings of people who would be living with each other for possibly the rest of their lives.

"…Theodore Caduroy and Gwinith Forgine; Elion Rickurus and Faris Lazar; and finally, Warnet Vanifer and Sazion Lederouy", finished the all-too-excited voice emitting from the radio. "Now remember, if you and your new partner do not liaise well together after 8 months, which should not happen; after all, these pairings have been checked and tested over and over again, so they are _guaranteed_ to be correct; you and your partner will be separated and you will live a life on your own. You are expected to compromise, even if you and your partner do not _catch on_…" The voice paused to laugh at its own personal joke. "…right away. Please try your hardest to do so. We hope you and your new spouse spend a long and wonderful life together! Thank you for cooperating." The announcement ended and salesman Fazio Veredan began talking about a revolutionary cleaning product that contained 20% dragon blood.

Ginny's face was so red it was a deep purple.

Hermione lifted her head and looked up at Ron, who was staring straight ahead at nothing with his mouth hanging open slightly. After a few more minutes of quietness, Hermione was the first to finally speak.

"Ron...?" she said hesitantly. Hardly a second after she spoke, Ginny abruptly stood up from the couch, nearly turning it over with all three people still sitting on it, and began to walk fiercely across the room towards the stairway.

"This _must _be some sick joke! _GEORGE?!" _she squealed in a hopeful, slightly insane, way. She clutched the stair railing as though it were the last thing holding her onto the planet. "This isn't FUNNY!"

They waited a few seconds in desperate anticipation.

But, unfortunately, a tall, skinny redhead man was nowhere to be seen tumbling down the stairs, clutching his stomach while he laughed until his face turned scarlet and hot tears streamed down his face.

Ginny began to pace the room furiously, a million thoughts streaming through her mind.

"This can't possibly be happening! This is supposed to be a way to prevent the high divorce percentages in the Wizarding community! I wasn't… I don't think _anyone_ was expecting… well, _this_!" Ginny screeched. "This can't even be _legal_! I can't_ POSSIBLY _be paired with… and you just CAN'T be with…We'll just owl the Ministry straight away. They can fix this mess right away. Isn't that right, Harry?"

Harry slowly looked up at Ginny, who was standing in front of him looking desperate for an answer. "They said it was _guaranteed_ to be correct. I… I don't know what to say", Harry said in an incredibly sad, voice. "We can go to the Ministry to see, but, I don't think… I just don't see how-"

Ron, now awaken from his reverie, fought out of Hermione's grasp, jumped up off the couch, and cut off Harry.

"BUT HOW COULD YOU BE PAIRED WITH _HERMIONE_, YOUR BEST FRIEND, AND NOT TO MENTION, _MY GIRLFRIEND! _AND HOW THE _BLOODY HELL _COULD I BE WITH... WITH…" he struggled to yell out the next few words.

"_MY OWN SISTER?!"_

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	2. Chapter 2

**I apologize for the wait! I'll try to have the next chapter up sooner. Thank you to all who reviewed and followed! Enjoy :)**

Ron stood with his hands clenched into a fist, panting like he had just run a marathon. Harry looked up and stared sadly into Ron's eyes. Ron saw Harry's gloomy expression and relaxed a bit. He opened his mouth to say something to Harry, but before he could, Ginny sprinted out of the room and into the kitchen. Harry jumped up and chased after her.

"Ginny! I'm so sorry!" he yelled desperately. "This was never supposed to happen!

Ginny, with her back to him, grabbed her coat and pulled out her wand. She lifted her arm, but Harry grabbed her wrist before she could apparate. "_Please. _Don't go," he pleaded.

Ginny whipped around to look at him. Harry saw the tears in her eyes.

"I-I'm going to th-the Ministry to s-sort this out," she said in a surprisingly calm, slightly shaky voice. Ginny pulled her wrist out of Harry's grasp and disapparated.

* * *

Harry stood in Hermione's small kitchen staring at the spot on the floor where Ginny had just been standing for what seemed like eternity. Eventually, he turned around and went back into the other room, where he could hear sobbing. Harry walked cautiously into the living room and saw Hermione bent over, her elbows on her knees, crying into her hands.

Ron had his hand on her back, whispering comforting things into her ear. Harry moved to the opposite side of the room and sat down, watching the two of them. Ron glanced up at him for a moment, but looked back down at Hermione immediately. He had looked up for less than a second, but it was long enough for Harry to see the tears running down his face.

It killed Harry to see them together like this. They had been such a wonderful couple. How could they not be meant for each other? Harry couldn't help but feel it was his fault that their relationship was being torn apart. Harry looked away from them and stared out the window.

He began to think about Ginny. This was clearly affecting her, but why wasn't _he _being affected? Shouldn't he be breaking down and crying? He _did_ love Ginny, of course he did. He would do anything for her in a heartbeat.

"_But I would do the same for Hermione as well," _he thought to himself. "_Could Hermione ever be more than just a friend to me?" _

Of course not, his mind insisted. But for some reason, something deep down inside told him otherwise. Harry, who felt tempted to look at Hermione, kept his eyes glued to the window.

"Ginny went to the Ministry to see if they could do something about this," Harry said to no one in particular. "She should be back any time now."

* * *

Ginny felt a tug at her navel as though someone had pulled it in with a hook. She had apparated just outside the hidden entrance that led into the Ministry of Magic. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes, took a deep breath, and marched straight through the doors.

The first thing she noticed was the noise. It had been so painfully quiet in Hermione's house; the sudden change in volume gave her an instant migraine, as if she didn't already have one. After her ears had adjusted, she realized, although it wouldn't have been hard to miss, the source of the chaotic noise.

Hundreds of people were crowded in the Ministry waiting room, screeching and yelling at every employee they laid their eyes on, and it didn't take long for Ginny to realize why. They were all there for the same exact reason as her. Everywhere she looked she saw women gripping onto their husbands ("_I suppose 'ex'-husbands, now,"_ Ginny reminded herself) and newly paired couples squawking into Ministry workers faces.

She stood frozen in the middle of the massive mob for what seemed like hours.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" a cold, but familiar, voice yelled.

Ginny looked to her left and saw none other than a furious Draco Malfoy viciously trying to push his way through the enormous crowd. He eventuall y made it to a Ministry worker, whom Ginny noticed, look very frightened indeed. Draco grabbed the front of the worker's robes and pulled him about two inches off the ground. Ginny, who was standing not too far away, could hear the next few words perfectly clear.

"Take. Me. To. The. Minister. Now." Draco spat into the workers face.

"B-but, s-sir, I c-can't—

"OH YOU CAN'T?!" Draco roared. "You can't take me? Do you even know who I am?"

He lifted the poor man nearly three feet in the air.

"DO YOU _KNOW_ WHO I AM?! I AM DRACO MALFOY. And if you don't take me _now, _I will make sure YOUR. LIFE. IS. HELL!"

The terrified worker nodded his head so fast, Ginny was afraid his head might fly off. Draco, without warning, released the front of his robes and the unfortunate man dropped helplessly to the ground. Draco chortled and rolled his eyes while the man quickly scrambled to his feet.

"R-right this w-way p-please", the worker managed to stutter out in a shrill voice. He led Draco into a small broom cupboard near the back of the room. Naturally, Ginny followed. She waited a moment outside the closet and then, ever so slightly, she opened door. Ginny peered through the crack and saw no one inside, just as she expected.

She quickly entered the cupboard and immediately began to look for any sign of an opening or secret entrance. After a few minutes of digging around, Ginny finally found a small button hidden beneath a bucket. Hesitantly, she pressed it.

Suddenly, the broom cupboard began to shake violently. Ginny, surprised by the unexpected change in motion, yelped as she lost her balance and fell down against the closet door. As quickly as it had begun, the shaking came to an abrupt stop. Ginny sighed in relief, but gasped when she felt the door she had been sitting against fly open, making her lie flat on her back.

"Oh! Wha- hey! Ginny, what are you doing here?!" asked Parvati, who had evidently opened the door, and was now looking down at Ginny.

Blushing, Ginny hurried to her feet and straightened out her clothing.

"Umm…Well, hello Parvati I had forgotten you worked at the ministry, now", she said nervously. "I'm here because, well… I, uh…"

Parvati crossed her arms and looked at Ginny expectantly.

"Ah, yes, of course. You're here because of the new law," Parvati said knowingly, but her haughty expression changed rapidly.

"But then that means—

"It means me and Harry didn't get paired, yes," Ginny breathed miserably.

"I'm so sorry, Ginny. I never would have guessed!" Parvati exclaimed. "I suppose only a few people were lucky enough to be paired with who _they_ really wanted to be with.

Ginny nodded understandingly. The two fell into a rather uncomfortable silence. Parvati eventually cleared her throat.

"Well, is there anything I could help you with, at the very least?" she asked.

"Oh, yes! There is, actually! You didn't happen to see a worker lead Draco Malfoy anywhere, did you?" Ginny asked hopefully.

"As a matter a fact, I did. Follow me," Parvati answered.

Parvati led her through many, to Ginny's surprise, empty corridors before coming upon a large brass door.

"I can't thank you enough, Parvati," Ginny gushed.

"Not a problem. Best of luck!" she replied.

Ginny watched her turn around and begin to walk away. About half way down the hallway, Parvati slowly came to a stop. She turned around to face Ginny with a confused look.

"Malfoy? Is that who you've been paired with? Draco Malfoy?" she asked interestedly.

Ginny almost gagged. "No, thank goodness!" she answered immediately. A look of relief washed over Parvati's complexion.

"Phew! Had me worried there!" she grinned. Ginny flashed her a calm smile, but inside she was panicking. She was desperate to find her way out of the conversation; she knew what question was coming next.

"Well, I better go," Ginny said anxiously reaching for the door handle behind her. "Goodbye, now!"

She quickly turned around, about to open the door.

"Wait!"

Ginny closed her eyes.

_Shit._

"Yes?" she asked still facing the door; avoiding Parvati's probing gaze.

There was a moment silence.

"I-I'm sure you're tired of me asking, but who _did _you get paired with, then_?_" Parvati asked timidly.

Ginny slowly turned around and looked straight into Parvati's snooping eyes.

She opened her mouth, prepared to tell the truth. Then it hit her.

Ginny snapped her mouth closed and tightened her jaw.

She narrowed her eyes, her expression rapidly changing from frightened and nervous to harsh and aggressive.

"You know what? Your right," Ginny said bitterly. "I am tired of you asking."

She quickly turned around and walked through the giant brass doors, leaving a speechless and embarrassed Parvati frozen in the hallway.

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	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I apologize for this ridiculously short chapter, but I didn't want to keep you all waiting any longer!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. All rights go to J.K Rowling.**

The room reminded Ginny strongly of the waiting room at the muggle dentist office her father had forced her to go to.

"It will be a wonderful experience!" he had insisted. "Maybe you'll even need those metal gears, oh, what's the word? Braces, that's it!" She recalled the horrible scraping feeling on her gums, and the awful soreness of her jaw the next day. She shuddered at the horrible memory.

Coming out of her reminiscence, Ginny realized the room was completely empty.

Well, almost empty, she thought to herself once she noticed the blonde man flashing her a sarcastic smile.

"Why, hello there Weaselette!" he said in an ironic chirpy tone.

"Yes, hello, Malfoy," Ginny said viciously while hesitantly walking over and taking the seat next to him. Rather sit by him than alone, she thought.

"Ouch. I see that sassy attitude of yours hasn't been taken care of," he smirked. Ginny rolled her eyes.

"Why are you even here, anyways?" she spat, feeling the irritated sensation she had felt moments ago in the hallway rise within her. "Don't tell me! You didn't get paired with the immaculate little Miss Greengrass?"

Draco's smug expression turned stony. He narrowed his eyes at her, daring her to continue. As if she hadn't even notice his threatening glare, Ginny persisted to ramble on.

"No!? You didn't? Aw, what a shame! You two were perfect for each other. You had so much in common. You were both vulgar, inconsiderate, shockingly ferret-like, the list goes on and on!

"And what about you, eh?" Draco finally snapped. "Didn't get paired with the flawless Harry Potter, did you now?"

Ginny sharply stood up, her fists clenched. She glowered down at Draco, who was glaring right back at her. Realizing her childish behavior (and disturbingly Ron-like act), she calmed down and plopped down next to him with a heavy sigh.

"I'm sorry, Malfoy. That was stupid of me to say," she said sincerely. Draco simply grunted in reply, which Ginny assumed was about as much of an apology as she was ever going to get from him.

And for the third time that day, Ginny found herself in an uncomfortable silence.

"So, I'm assuming this is the waiting area to see the Minister?" she asked in an effort to break the horrible quietness.

"Yes, his office is right there," Draco replied pointing towards the only other door in the room besides the one Ginny entered through.

More silence.

Ginny began to feel anxious; the unanswered question hanging in the air was driving her mad. She squirmed uncomfortably in her seat.

Even more silence.

"I'm sure this is the last thing you'd want me to be asking right now, but who did you get paired with, then?" Ginny babbled, feeling incredibly hypocritical.

Draco moaned loudly.

"You don't have to tell me, you know. I understand," she stammered.

"You have to promise not to laugh," he said uneasily.

"W-wait, you're actually going to t-tell me?" Ginny stuttered, generally surprised.

"Well, do you want to know or not?!" Draco said bitterly. He didn't like this growing feeling of trust towards her.

"Oh, alright. I promise I won't laugh," she swore.

Draco gave her a long look of uncertainty.

"Ok. I've been paired with… L-Luna Lovegood," he shuddered.

Ginny choked.

"No. Way. No way! There's absolutely, positively no way!" she squealed, feeling like a giddy little girl.

"Yup, well, that's what they've said. Draco Malfoy and Luna Lovegood," he mimicked the voice of the woman on the radio. "It has to be absolute bullshit, of course. Because, as you've made very clear…"

Ginny felt herself blush.

"…there's no way."

Ginny sighed and leaned back into her seat. She felt her rush of excitement disappear and reality sink back in.

"Well, Malfoy, you never know. Maybe things will work between you two," Ginny said.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that," he replied coldly. " So what about you?"

"What about me?" she answered sharply, dodging his question.

"Oh, don't play stupid. Who'd you get paired with?" Draco asked.

Ginny knew there was no escaping the truth this time. She would have to tell him, of course. She opened her mouth.

"R-Ron," was all she was able utter before the tight knot in her throat escaped. She felt her eyes erupt with tears, and her whole body shake. She quickly collected herself once she realized Draco was staring at her.

"S-sorry," she muttered down into her lap. " I guess i can be a bit overdramatic."

"How?" he asked. His concerned tone tempted Ginny to slowly look up into Draco's disbelieving eyes.

"What are you going to do?"

What am I going to do?

"I-I don't kn-

"Minister Shacklebolt will see you now, Mr. Malfoy."

Ginny was interrupted by a tired looking secretary, who was was standing in the now open doorway that led into the minister's office.

Draco stood up.

"Well, uh, I guess I'll see you around then" he said awkwardly.

"Yes, I suppose," Ginny replied quietly, staring back down into her lap.

He turned his back against her and slowly began to walk towards the annoyed secretary.

"Hey, um, Ginny," he said quickly

Her head shot up, surprised to hear his use of her first name. She saw him standing in the doorway with the secretary, now faced towards her, and looking very uncomfortable.

"Yes?" she asked curiously.

"Listen, um, if you want, you can come in instead of waiting out here?" he said weakly.

Ginny felt her spirits lift slightly. Draco Malfoy, of all people, was being kind to her.

"I'd love that. Thank you, Draco,"she grinned.

"Hem, hem," the secretary cleared her throat. "Am I going to have to stand here all day?"

"Uh? Oh, sorry," Draco said sheepishly. Ginny stood up and followed Draco and the secretary into the room.


End file.
